The Juice is out on bail, but back in our hearts. O.J. Simpson posted $125,000 bail and was released from a Las Vegas jail after he was charged with offenses including kidnapping and armed robbery. The charges stem from a confrontation with men that allegedly stole sports memorabilia from him.
O.J. played Detective Nordberg in The Naked Gun, so we always knew he could act. Now that he’s makin’ moves again, we’re actually quite proud of his recent performance. If you haven’t heard the tape of him scaring the hell out of a bunch of sports paraphernalia collectors, you need to. Lucky for them, The Juice is playing a really angry Nordberg and not say…a really angry O.J.
Because we condone most self-destructive impulses, we’d like to thank O.J. for giving us fodder and skipping the slow-speed chase. Like we told LiLo, debauchery with a small carbon footprint is our favorite kind.
Full disclosure: back in the day, we named our dog Al Cowlings, after the guy driving the Bronco.
Bacon Bits
Britney Spears threw a baby bottle and threatened to kill two photographers after they took pictures of her leaving a Las Vegas spa on Tuesday.
In response to this news, my colleague laid out a simple, yet foolproof plan to save Britney via gmail chat.
Colleague: i feel like i need to sit down and talk to her.
Me: she does need a good talking to.
Colleague: maybe i will call her.
Colleague: i think under my influence
like maybe if we hang out for a while
i think i could bring her back to the glory days.
and then i could be all positive and be like yeah brit your abs are crazy.
keep going girl.
BRILLIANT!
…….
But seriously though, I really do wish that someone would just set her straight. Just imagine what the world would be like if Britney got her act together. She would revive her music career, maybe do a little acting/modeling on the side, get a Grammy and an Oscar nod, get some crazy abs, and give Jessica Biel the bitch slap she deserves and get back together with JT.
It could be perfect, AND Brit could resume her charitable work that many of us don’t know about, and that the media refuses to pay attention to. Did you know that in 2005 Britney Spears donated a total of $590,000 to various charitable causes? I’m sorry, but even though she’s effed up majorly this year, I’m putting down my coffee right now and giving her snaps.
You know what would be pretty sweet? If Britney would extend some of that goodwill to green causes. A rehabilitated Britney as the voice of a new green generation– what could be more awesome?
It would also be awesome if she hosted and performed at a concert whose proceeds went to climate change research and it was in the rain forest and she could sing I’m a Slave for You but the 2007 remix. When she does it, and gets really famous again in a good way, just remember who suggested it.
