Filed under: Ashley Olsen, Jared Leto, Zac Efron | Tags: Ashley Olsen, Jared Leto, Zac Efron
If Zac wore more flamboyant guyliner, Ashley Olsen would be all over him.
It worked for Jared Leto. He and Ash were seen canoodling at the Art of Elysium gala in L.A. last week. No alert necessary, they’ve long been friends with bennies.
Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. We just hope they used a Condomi. They’re vegan lids that come in strawberry, chocolate, spearmint, and coconut flavors. Hopefully, they passed on the K-Y. That sh*t can’t be good for the planet.
Filed under: Disney, Zac Efron | Tags: appendectomy, electricity, fusion, High School Musical 3, power
Zac Efron was rushed to the hospital yesterday for an emergency appendectomy, right after Disney announced we’d be treated to a High School Musical 3. Our main concern is the effect on Beanstockd’s worldwide servers when his fans start trying to outpost each other with their testimonials of concern on Efron bulletin boards.
“OMG! Zac’s in the hospital with appendicitis!”
“When I had appendicitis, I got ice cream!”
“Ice cream is for tonsils. Duh.”
Imagine this conversation three million times over and over and you’ve got a recipe for downing all internet service from LA to Chicago. Yes, the pretty boy star has that kind of power.
That’s why the U.S. government plans to invest billions of dollars to build a star in a box. It is a fusion-reactor called a Compact Stellarator. A star we can suck power out of. 1,000 Megawatts of power! Emissions free!
No word yet on its effect on Tweenies.
Filed under: water pollution, Zac Efron | Tags: Mary J. Blige, pharmaceuticals, pollution, Steroids, Zac Efron
This summer, as we traipsed down the gilded streets of Central Park South, who did we see but Mary J. Blige climbing out of a black Escalade and entering the Ritz Carlton. “Damn,” we said, “she looks good. Look at those biceps and possibly rock-hard abs. She must do pilates at least three times a week.”
In reality, apparently she does not. Ms. Blige’s toned bod may be the result of a little ‘roid poppage. MJB has just been charged (along with 50 cent, but that’s not too surprising) with the use of performance enhancing drugs. Timbaland, Tyler Perry, and Wyclef Jean are also under investigation.
Why would singers, producers and actors want to take steroids? Especially knowing that pharmaceutical products like these show up as pollutants in our water and cause ecological harm.
Which teaches us an important lesson: Make sure to Brita the hell out of your tap water next time you’re thirsty, or you may just wake up with quadriceps the size of Zac Efron’s head.
The NFL MVP hinted that a Super Bowl victory could mean wedding bells.
So here is one of Tom Brady’s new Smartwater ads. We’ll pass on lecturing about the eco-evils of bottled water. He just wanted to get paid. After all, that football money isn’t going as far these days. What with Gisele’s penchant for jet-setting and “Mrs. Big” fertilizing his love seed.
Tom might have bigger problems, you see, bigger than discussing the preciousness of água with his Brazilian girlfriend. He might be drinking too much bottled water. The Old Gray Lady says that chemicals from the plastic can affect male hormones. We knew his face was looking less Stetson-y and more Efron-y! Our advice: use a glass. Or don’t. We don’t want the Patriots to win another Super Bowl, anyway.
Filed under: carbon footprint, Zac Efron | Tags: Clay Aiken, Spamalot, Zac Efron
We had to go to Kinko’s to find a scanner big enough for today’s paper.
More good news for theater lovers! Joining the Tony Award-winning cast of Spamalot this January will be the star of Disney’s High School Musical, Zac Efron! Like Julia Roberts and Claire Danes before her, Zac is refining her craft by going back to her roots, stage.
We applaud the career move, but it’s bad news for the planet. A star of Ms. Efron’s magnitude will do huge numbers on Broadway. This means hordes descending on Broadway and a hefty carbon footprint. We know that’s the point, but believe it or not, Zac’s former medium, television, is actually greener than theater, relatively speaking. Movie theaters are even worse.
Luckily, this eco-unfriendly union only lasts until May 4th and it’s really Clay Aiken.
Filed under: energy, Zac Efron | Tags: candy-ass, Chace Crawford, fluorescents, incandescents, Ireland, lighting, vanessa hudgens, Zac Efron
Efron, making that “please hit me as hard as you can” face that 13 year-old girls just can’t resist
Zac Efron‘s girlfriend thinks he’s too much of a candy-ass. She’s ticked because he didn’t want to go to her little sister’s birthday party because he had a pimple. He’s that much of a prima-donna.
You know you’ve crossed a prima-donna line when your 19 year-old movie star girlfriend thinks you are too superficial. We haven’t met Vanessa Hudgens, but we’re guessing she’s talked at length on the cellie about more than one bad hair day. Zac, dude, man up.
What if you were, say, the Environment Minister of Ireland (just for example). Would you have had the cajones to declare yours the first European country to ban wasteful incandescent lights in favor of more efficient LEDs and fluorescents?
We know, Zac. You don’t like the way you look under fluorescent lighting. No one asked. –BradyDale
Filed under: aaron carter, Chace Crawford, Gossip Girl, Vanessa Anne Hudgens, vanessa hudgens, Zac Efron | Tags: Chace Crawford, Gossip Girl, Zac Efron
Omagod I can’t tell the difference
Is anyone a bit disturbed/excited about how Chace Crawford, who you may know as Blair’s prepster boyf in Gossip Girl, is a blatant Zac Efron lookalike?
Chace Crawford (left), who we foresee becoming TV’s latest heartthrob, looks like Efron + 10 years – 3 pounds of makeup. Who’s the hotter twin? We’re pulling for Crawford, but Efron stepped it up by taking a green limo to the 2007 Teen Choice awards.
What we’re wondering is, how did Aaron Carter manage to weasel his way onto the show? Kandz