The beanSTOCKd Project


Because killing yourself is way more fun than killing the planet by beanstockd
August 8, 2007, 7:55 pm
Filed under: Lindsay Lohan, Prius

With eco-friendly tears glistening in our eyes, this mug shot–and that toxic-bleach-blonde hair– makes us want to have sex with her less.

Poor little LiLo, if only she had taken our post-rehab advice! As voracious beanSTOCKd minions can attest, we advised–demanded!–that she listen to us, because as much as we adore drunken, drug-fueled debauchery, we prefer it with a tiny carbon footprint and without the po-po.

If Lindsay had not been behind the wheel of that eight cylinder Mercedes while mixing straight Cuervo and blow, and instead had heeded our recommendations and drove a Prius while mixing organic 4 Copas Tequila with locally farmed nose candy, she probably wouldn’t have been such a hot mess. You see, the dashboard on a Prius is way smaller than the one on a Mercedes, so her lines would have been much shorter, and disaster could have been averted.

It’s like putting a bulimic girl in the bathroom with a cake–you know what’s going to happen, so why would you put her in the bathroom?

Sucks for LiLo, but we still love her. Her punishment: a few non-cancerous melanomas.

beanSTOCKr bruce

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[…] impulses, we’d like to thank O.J. for giving us fodder and skipping the slow-speed chase. Like we told LiLo, debauchery with a small carbon footprint is our favorite […]

Pingback by O.J. Simpson Out on Bail, Back in Our Hearts « The beanSTOCKd Project




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