The beanSTOCKd Project

This woman is famous for having her stomach stapled by beanstockd
August 8, 2007, 8:00 pm
Filed under: Glamour, Star Jones

After nearly four years of coy denial, Star Jones, lawyer, television personality and shameless publicity whore finally comes clean about her dramatic weight loss in the current September issue of Glamour.

The former co-host of the View finally reaches the pinnacle of narcissism by penning an article about herself where she openly admits to having gastric bypass surgery. In the article, Jones emotionally discusses her lifelong battle with morbid obesity and tearily recounts, “Whenever I felt lonely, a Double Whopper with cheese became my friend. If I felt sad, six strips of bacon made me feel better.” A fat-folk cliche at it’s best!
Since her surgery helped her kick the habit that Hollywood insiders often call “eating” – Star Jones ruptured her relationship with beef and bacon, and uknowingly spearheaded the offense against greenhouse gasses.
Apparently the cattle ranch supplying Jones with her daily whopper fix was not only wreaking havoc on this “inspirational” woman’s body, but was also ravaging our environment. According to a UN report released last November, cows produce more greenhouse gases than driving cars .
“Livestock are one of the most significant contributors to today’s most serious environmental problems,” said senior UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) official Henning Steinfeld, “Urgent action is required to remedy the situation.”
Star Jones is the woman taking that urgent action. She is putting a kibosh on Double Whoppers, and is sending a strong message to cattle rearers everywhere: I’m Star Jones, look at meeee!!!
Also, a message to Dr. 90210 or whichever surgeon was responsible for stapling Star’s belly — THANK YOU! Now can you do something about the size of her head?

beanSTOCKr bruce


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[…] booze and nose-candy (and finally drop the baby weight). Or, she could pull a pre-gastric bypass Star Jones and drown her misery in cheeseburgers (and produce more used grease for Carl’s […]

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