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We’d Let Lindsay Lohan Perform Our Autopsy by Bacon Bits
January 19, 2008, 4:22 pm
Filed under: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton | Tags: ,

Who would you let drive you home after a party? If you said Britney, you might wake up with her shoving krispy kremes and Olde English in your face, but at least you’d avoid the morgue. (She actually has something on Paris and Lindz: no DUIs, biotch!)

Because after LiLo’s dee-wee, the mortuary is exactly where she’s headed. It’s part of her court-ordered rehab. (We’d take it over what Paris got. Although…). The point is for Lindsay to see cadavers in various states of disarray, so she “thinks seriously” about what she did.

We thought about it and decided we’d let her perform our autopsy. On one condition: she properly compost our corpse. Traditional burials by their protective nature produce methane and cremation guzzles gas. We want to be “humanure.” It’s possible through “promession.” That means freeze-drying us and turning us into bacon bits for plants.

FWIW, we’d prob end up fed to a fungus that Lindsay later eats during a late-night bender.

Bacon Bits

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You need to learn some respect. How could you talk about such a sweet person like britney in such a horrible way? She is an amazing performer and even though people go through some hard times, they don’t deserve the horrible criticism. I for one dispise people like you.

Comment by anthony




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