The beanSTOCKd Project

Last week we tried to predict where Lindsay Lohan would take her career upon leaving rehab. Boy, were we off.

Looks like Lindsay went a bit too heavy on the tanning this week, since she looks like she’s just tumbled out of a chimney, dusted the soot off her pants, tipped her cap and said, “Top o’ the morning, Gov’ner!” and then traipsed off to work while gayly whistling “A Spoonful of Sugar.”

Now that she’s back in LA, Lindsay’s filming her new movie Dare to Love Me, in which she plays a (Dick-van-dyke-looking) prostitue involved in a torrid love affair with 1920s Argentinian Tango legend Carlos Gardel.

(Side note: what drives Lindsay to pick the roles she picks? It seems that she shares the same morbid fascination with female misogyny that Britney Spears so thorougly embraces.)

In any case, Lindsay Lohan is a living metaphor for a smokestack; she looks like she just rolled out of one and she regularly emits massive quanitites of smoke as she relentlessly puffs on Parliaments throughout the day. Unlike a smokestack though, atleast she doesn’t emit hazardous amounts of soot into our atmosphere, and atleast she doesn’t need to be covered in CO2-absorbing-algae to prevent her harmful environmental impact — although that could be a comedy of Lohan’s that we would most definitely pay $11.50 to see. Drizzler

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